Trained a sentient sludge to follow me Grew the sludge until it became powerful enough to inflict random status effects to anything it would attack Sludge attacks a legendary enemy, randomly procs the "In Love" status effect causing him to fall in love with me The sludge, jealous of our newfound love, proceeds to murder us both 10/10 would do the sludge love triangle again

We all know why we are here.

Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT PLANTS. Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT ANIMALS. Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT BUGS. Kill a bear and EAT IT, just EAT AN ENTIRE BEAR. KILL EVERYTHING. Descend into the DEPTHS OF THE WORLD and retrieve ANCIENT TECHNOLOGICAL ARTIFACTS. KNIFE-FIGHT a GIANT DRILL ROBOT and WIN. Be a COOL WASTELAND KNIGHT. Be a TWO-FISTED COWBOY. Be a HOMICIDAL NINJA TURTLE with an AXE and a SHOTGUN. SPONTANEOUSLY BURST INTO FLAMES. Get into a GUNFIGHT with a HYENA-MONSTER and accidentally anger a HERD OF MAJESTIC HULKING DEMON HORSES with your crossfire. Fly into the air like a BEAUTIFUL EAGLE and then SWORD-FIGHT a GIANT DRAGONFLY. MIND CONTROL a TWO-HEADED BOAR and MAKE IT WEAR CHAIN MAIL and KILL YOUR ENEMIES. Encounter a LEGENDARY PLANT with an INTIMIDATING SKULL MASK and the ability to THROW FIERY DEATH FROM ITS HANDS. CONTRACT HORRIFYING DISEASES. Go to THE DEATHLANDS and discover that THE DEATHLANDS are called THE DEATHLANDS because they will KILL YOU DEAD. HACK OFF A ROBOT’S HEAD AND EAT IT. Get into a SLEDGEHAMMER DUEL with a ‘ROIDED-OUT SUPERCANNIBAL. Be SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ILLITERATE that you BREAK A BOX OF CRAYONS attempting to figure out what it is. Be SO TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED that you can make an ACID GRENADE out of a PLASTIC TREE and a FOLDING CHAIR. Build your own FLAMETHROWER. Build your own LASER GUN. Build your own HANDHELD NUCLEAR BOMB and BLOW YOURSELF UP WITH IT. Collect MAGMA in a CANTEEN. Pour MAGMA into a pool of ACID to see what happens. DRINK MAGMA. TELEPATHICALLY LOCATE an enemy and HATE IT TO DEATH with your TERRIFYING BRAIN SORCERY. Have your LEGS CUT OFF and then REGROW YOUR LEGS and pick up your previous legs and EAT YOUR OWN LEGS. Encounter your EVIL TWIN and then summon six of your own GOOD TWINS to fight your evil twin’s SIX EVIL TWIN TWINS in a FOURTEEN-WAY PSYCHIC LASER DEATH RAVE and then BURN TO DEATH when all of the combined PYROKINETIC MIND FIRE from all of the TIME CLONES causes the ENTIRE MAP TO COMBUST AND MELT. (Stolen from the SA roguelike thread)

Hey Hey People 'low effort troll' here. You should make templars playable.

Hey hey people

Merchant guild approved.

I swear to god, this excel spreadsheet is trying to send me a message.

I spent around 2 grand building up a gaming pc only to find myself addicted to a game that could have been made during Jimmy Carter’s presidency.

This is in my top 3 favorite games ever played. I was deep in the desert with limited water, desperately trying to find my way back to civilization. I had adventured below the ground into a desert temple and couldn't find my way back to the surface. Things became dire as I began encountering flame-spitting bird creatures that were highly aggressive. Thankfully, I had salvaged a decent rifle from the corpse of a deceased nomad and it was providing adequate protection from the birds although my ammunition was dwindling. As I spotted a staircase my heart leapt and I headed for it, but in my excitement I moved too quickly and attracted another swarm of the birds. They swarmed me as I fire shots off, killing one, two and three of them. The fourth almost killed me, but I deftly shot it down with one of my last bullets. A notification popped up saying that I had become inspired by the recent triumph and I was going to give my new rifle a name. I was presented with many options like naming the rifle manually, giving it a name from my native culture, giving it a name from a random other culture or giving it a name from the culture of the fire bird which I had just slain. I thought, "The fire birds have a culture? That's incredibly interesting, but of course they do. What a fitting way to end this treacherous excursion, I'll honor these beasts with my renewed sense of appreciation and give my rifle a name from their culture." So I selected that option. The rifle was automatically named, "Cawww-caw-cawww-caw-caw" and I facepalmed and had to set my computer down for a few minutes while I regained my composure.

I gave my cat a gun and it shot me dead.

damn, my man's excel spreadsheet looks f***ed up

I cut off a mans face and wore it as a mask so I could impersonate him. I snuck into his home. His wife knew I wasn't really him, screaming "my husband doesn't have four legs and wings". Guess I overlooked that part. Now I have two masks.

hey hey people

There are not many games where you can mind control a passing goat, gain levels with it, then spend your accrued points to create a mutant psionic laser goat.

I just used a can of "Spray-a-Brain" on a metal-reinforced door, thus making the door sentient. I then mentally possessed the door. And then via that mental domination I controlled the door into delivering a fatal blow to the body that was dominating it, thus stranding my character's mind in the door. I am now a door. Good game certified.

Hey hey people,

Got both of my arms and my face sliced off by a bitey worm before mind-dominating it, ate my own arms and face as rations on the way back home. Tongue rotted away, luckily I'm a psionic with telepathy who don't need no arms, face, or tongue to communicate or fight. People still charge 2x the price in shops now because everyone's a superficial asshole in Qud. No arms, no way to hold light source. -> Completely blind in dungeons and caves, and at night. Stumbled into fungus forest, one mushroom spore bukkake later, a glowing mushroom grows on my back and illuminates my surroundings. Everything's better with shrooms. Tongueless, faceless, armless glowing mushroom psi-person now roams the lands, looking for a way to restore all those lost body parts while mind-crushing, psi-burning and enslaving the hordes of extradimensional crabs and goatpeople who want to absorb all the crazy psionic powers for themselves. #Averageday

A great game let down by a radicalised anti-democratic community where feature requests are arbitrarily seen as Orwellian wrong-think with specific channels dedicated to genocidal left-wing ideologies. https://i.imgur.com/Y5tcYjj.png https://i.imgur.com/7NCohJq.png EDIT: one of the main developers @unormal has responded to this review via a tweet: https://twitter.com/unormal/status/1318842100104990720 Regardless of your interpretation of this review you're reading or the Twitter post I believe it is within the best interest of existing and potential players of how the developers and the moderation team treat their player base that don't hold beliefs that fall within the same bubble and that they are happy to slander you as someone that supports mass murders in the name of eugenic cleansing (as genuine fascists did in the 20th century) should they believe that a feature request is an ideological trojan horse for crimes against humanity. This is deeply ironic because in-game lore makes many implicit references to fringe ideas such as (1) Marxist class warfare between the lower-class proletariat and the upper-class bourgeoisie and (2) what the bourgeoisie do in order to maintain their class privilege. See: https://i.imgur.com/oEAxzpJ.png You are welcome to engage with the Caves of Qud community on official platforms and popular social media—who am I to stop you—but you do so at your own discretion. EDIT2: Seeing that my review has made its way around circles I would like to take this opportunity to encourage people to move beyond base, animalistic tribalism be it race, ethnicity, symbols, physiological sex, gender as the behavioral expression of sex, politics, ideology or whatever the endless ways you wish to frame it. I in no way, shape or form endorse or take responsibility for my review to be used by others as sophistic attacks against those that feel kinship with the official communities on Twitter, as incentive for achieving speed-run records on being banned from the official Discord server, personal harassment across private channels or any other form of hostility. EDIT3: The links to the images hosted on Imgur tend to be masked for reasons unknown to me. You can access them by via viewing the source page or looking up the files on Imgur as follows: - Y5tcYjj.png - 7NCohJq.png - oEAxzpJ.png

Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT PLANTS. Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT ANIMALS. Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT BUGS. Kill a bear and EAT IT, just EAT AN ENTIRE BEAR. KILL EVERYTHING. Descend into the DEPTHS OF THE WORLD and retrieve ANCIENT TECHNOLOGICAL ARTIFACTS. KNIFE-FIGHT a GIANT DRILL ROBOT and WIN. Be a COOL WASTELAND KNIGHT. Be a TWO-FISTED COWBOY. Be a HOMICIDAL NINJA TURTLE with an AXE and a SHOTGUN. SPONTANEOUSLY BURST INTO FLAMES. Get into a GUNFIGHT with a HYENA-MONSTER and accidentally anger a HERD OF MAJESTIC HULKING DEMON HORSES with your crossfire. Fly into the air like a BEAUTIFUL EAGLE and then SWORD-FIGHT a GIANT DRAGONFLY. MIND CONTROL a TWO-HEADED BOAR and MAKE IT WEAR CHAIN MAIL and KILL YOUR ENEMIES. Encounter a LEGENDARY PLANT with an INTIMIDATING SKULL MASK and the ability to THROW FIERY DEATH FROM ITS HANDS. CONTRACT HORRIFYING DISEASES. Go to THE DEATHLANDS and discover that THE DEATHLANDS are called THE DEATHLANDS because they will KILL YOU DEAD. HACK OFF A ROBOT’S HEAD AND EAT IT. Get into a SLEDGEHAMMER DUEL with a ‘ROIDED-OUT SUPERCANNIBAL. Be SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ILLITERATE that you BREAK A BOX OF CRAYONS attempting to figure out what it is. Be SO TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED that you can make an ACID GRENADE out of a PLASTIC TREE and a FOLDING CHAIR. Build your own FLAMETHROWER. Build your own LASER GUN. Build your own HANDHELD NUCLEAR BOMB and BLOW YOURSELF UP WITH IT. Collect MAGMA in a CANTEEN. Pour MAGMA into a pool of ACID to see what happens. DRINK MAGMA. TELEPATHICALLY LOCATE an enemy and HATE IT TO DEATH with your TERRIFYING BRAIN SORCERY. Have your LEGS CUT OFF and then REGROW YOUR LEGS and pick up your previous legs and EAT YOUR OWN LEGS. Encounter your EVIL TWIN and then summon six of your own GOOD TWINS to fight your evil twin’s SIX EVIL TWIN TWINS in a FOURTEEN-WAY PSYCHIC LASER DEATH RAVE and then BURN TO DEATH when all of the combined PYROKINETIC MIND FIRE from all of the TIME CLONES causes the ENTIRE MAP TO COMBUST AND MELT.

hey hey people.

just don't join the discord

**review to be updated with more propaganda from the depraved progressive cult of Qud associates as it arises. Only fair that potential buyers fully understand the dark, religious fervour these mentally and socially-damaged omega human nihilists operate on, so stock up on your iodine pills and check back often.** -- UPDATE: Seems my review, pinging off the outer walls of the "muh feelz" progressive echo chamber, has the rainbow-coloured haired (the blue ones are especially vicious), intersectional soup of 'em all going insane on Twatter and amplified by certain alpha cuck Qud associates theyselves: https://twitter.com/hotcistakes/status/1131268514059313152 Reeee! Keep bringin' in the hits, folks! And that playtime of mine? I happened to rip the DRM out of this trash ages ago. Do it for all my games. Far more playtime than my account betrays. -- This review is the result of several players, myself included, having recently being banned from the Qud Steam forums for expressing mild distaste at the devs' intention to go ahead with implementing non-standard gender options in Caves of Qud. I have heard from at least one person that this is the result of a recent hire (writer), who appears to have plans to infuse her personal politics in this game -- essentially poisoning the proverbial well with divisive, unscientific gender ideology that has time and again divided gaming communities. For instance, spy the conversation in the Gender and Pronoun Sets mod for Qud: you'll be able to see the inevitably angry outcome of ideological insistence with your own two eyes. Let 'em rip themselves apart I say; absolute truth is infinitely stronger than their naive and science-denying declarations that there are as many genders as pokemon and that gender is a social construct. Catch them all. See the corrosive, "intersectional" sh-t show here. Quarantine yourself afterward for the good of the rest of us please: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1735379738 I wonder which genders the two tentacles are in that curious logo back there. As well, these developments seems to be in accordance with the personal politics of Qud's lead writer, who beyond his brilliant ability to craft the game's narrative, has co-opted the bizarre practice of listing his own gender appellations in his Twitter bio, and well, wanting ICE abolished too in his own little heroic way -- so I suppose the cycle is complete? Just so y'all know, I can write too. That said, whether or not news of this recent hire is is true, I cannot be certain, however I have no reason to distrust my sources. Qud is a revolutionary roguelike, however I will never on principle support a developer who cedes to a vicious and vocal minority -- literally the 0.3 percenters -- as this one has. They can stuff it as far as I'm concerned and take their patchy neckbeards with them. I am fully down for attributing guilt by association here; you are the company you keep. I don't want no damned politics in the games I play and most others don't either. This is the real and uncompromising world, son, not the Humanities 101 course your Marxist professor taught you. I say all of this with clear eyes and a clean conscience. Anyone that tells you this isn't about politics hasn't heard of progressive activists screaming basically in unison that there is no difference between the personal and political. And yes, like dutiful little hive-minded automatons, they all agree with one another. This is politics, end of story. There is a concerning intolerance on the part of the developer to even reasonable dissenting opinions, to the point of even disparaging people for holding opinions they disagree with -- devs are straight up social justice warrior level intolerant (Sturmabteilung, brownshirt level) and are notoriously ban-happy. They will feel nothing for deleting all your s--t then banning you from their little safe space. No colouring books and teddy bears for you, comrade! You've been warned. If you're tired of the scourge of the woke and its increasing incursion into your awareness, then the direction of this game is on paper as heading full bore in that direction (they gave into the fruit loop gender warriors), so on principle and to drive home a pretty important point, I would enourage you to avoid adding this game to your library at all costs. All I know is that woke players and permissive devs are ruining gaming Anita Sarkeesian style and Qud devs seem happy to contibute to the cowardly, black bloc-style insurgency. And of course, If you disagree, well, they'll gleefully pull the plug on you too as ideology-possessed people are inclined to do. Others speak of nebulous, unspecified threats of intolerance which are often products of their over-active imaginations that they've conjured up to give their otherwise empty lives something to fight for. To them the sky is in perpetual freefall. What do I fight for? Reality. You can hate the straw men you've constructed, but my target has always been nihilistic social justice warrior delusion, a very real and depressing virus that only one disinfectant can root out. Your power play has one willing opponent that you will never be able to beat back: TRUTH -- invincible and immutable. Hoorah. I encourage all freedom-loving, rational people everywhere to spread the word, and feel free to link to my review if you wish. This nonsense needs to be checked and preferably stopped -- because as innocuous at this seems, it is part of a rolling tidal wave of ideological creep that seems to be corroding every institution, from the university to the highest offices in the western lands. Gaming is this insidious contagion's latest host, apparently. Five years ago none of us were having conversations about these sorts of things, but now it's everywhere; a force that seems to be jammed down our collective throats in many cases by force of law. That's a problem to me as it should be a problem to anyone who values their freedom of speech, belief and thought. If what amounts to a freedom-hating ideologue imposes their alien ideologies upon you, strike back twice as hard. Think of this review as my bludgeon; negative press hits hard -- watch as the number of people that find this review helpful rises. Apparently too, one negative review requires thirty positive ones in order to counteract the effect. Glad to have done my part to stick it to 'em. I ate their ban on principle; they can eat this review. It's an eye for an eye. Long live the scientific method. Delusion will never prevail -- reality is just too damned powerful for you. Rawr. Get woke, go broke. Here's hoping. Meh. EDIT: January 2025. MAGA! MCGA! ;)

Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT PLANTS. Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT ANIMALS. Get killed by ANGRY MUTANT BUGS. Kill a bear and EAT IT, just EAT AN ENTIRE BEAR. KILL EVERYTHING. Descend into the DEPTHS OF THE WORLD and retrieve ANCIENT TECHNOLOGICAL ARTIFACTS. KNIFE-FIGHT a GIANT DRILL ROBOT and WIN. Be a COOL WASTELAND KNIGHT. Be a TWO-FISTED COWBOY. Be a HOMICIDAL NINJA TURTLE with an AXE and a SHOTGUN. SPONTANEOUSLY BURST INTO FLAMES. Get into a GUNFIGHT with a HYENA-MONSTER and accidentally anger a HERD OF MAJESTIC HULKING DEMON HORSES with your crossfire. Fly into the air like a BEAUTIFUL EAGLE and then SWORD-FIGHT a GIANT DRAGONFLY. MIND CONTROL a TWO-HEADED BOAR and MAKE IT WEAR CHAIN MAIL and KILL YOUR ENEMIES. Encounter a LEGENDARY PLANT with an INTIMIDATING SKULL MASK and the ability to THROW FIERY DEATH FROM ITS HANDS. CONTRACT HORRIFYING DISEASES. Go to THE DEATHLANDS and discover that THE DEATHLANDS are called THE DEATHLANDS because they will KILL YOU DEAD. HACK OFF A ROBOT’S HEAD AND EAT IT. Get into a SLEDGEHAMMER DUEL with a ‘ROIDED-OUT SUPERCANNIBAL. Be SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ILLITERATE that you BREAK A BOX OF CRAYONS attempting to figure out what it is. Be SO TECHNOLOGICALLY GIFTED that you can make an ACID GRENADE out of a PLASTIC TREE and a FOLDING CHAIR. Build your own FLAMETHROWER. Build your own LASER GUN. Build your own HANDHELD NUCLEAR BOMB and BLOW YOURSELF UP WITH IT. Collect MAGMA in a CANTEEN. Pour MAGMA into a pool of ACID to see what happens. DRINK MAGMA. TELEPATHICALLY LOCATE an enemy and HATE IT TO DEATH with your TERRIFYING BRAIN SORCERY. Have your LEGS CUT OFF and then REGROW YOUR LEGS and pick up your previous legs and EAT YOUR OWN LEGS. Encounter your EVIL TWIN and then summon six of your own GOOD TWINS to fight your evil twin’s SIX EVIL TWIN TWINS in a FOURTEEN-WAY PSYCHIC LASER DEATH RAVE and then BURN TO DEATH when all of the combined PYROKINETIC MIND FIRE from all of the TIME CLONES causes the ENTIRE MAP TO COMBUST AND MELT.

you can slaughter inbred nazis in this game.

Amazing, amazing, well designed game. Infinitely enjoyable and endlessly replayable. Just do yourself a favor and avoid the game's official Discord server. The mods are all power-tripping hyper-communists, and that's honestly not a hyperbole. Even I lean hard left politically and that place deeply worries me.